From casual blockchain enthusiast to Web3 deity - we have a plan that matches your commitment to revolutionary mundanity
Perfect for blockchain beginners
For serious decentralizers
For blockchain maximalists
Transcend mortal limitations
See exactly what level of decentralization you're getting
| Features | Curious | Pro | Enterprise | Deity |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Grocery Lists per Month | 1 | Unlimited | Unlimited | ∞ + 1 |
| Pet Photo NFTs | ❌ | 5/month | Unlimited | Interdimensional |
| Processing Time | 47 days | 3-7 days | 1-3 hours | Instant* |
| Buzzword Enhancement | Basic | Advanced AI | Enterprise AI | Quantum AI |
| Support | Discord | 24/7 Phone | Telepathic | |
| Blockchain Nodes | Shared | Shared | Dedicated | Personal Galaxy |
| Immortality | ❌ | ❌ | ❌ | ✅ |
*Instant processing may still take 3-47 business days due to quantum fluctuations
Common questions about our revolutionary pricing structure
Our free tier uses our legacy blockchain infrastructure, which requires consensus from nodes powered by hamster wheels. Premium plans use our quantum-accelerated network with nodes powered by the collective energy of satisfied customers.
The 420% discount is calculated using our proprietary DeFi mathematics. While the actual savings may be negative, the spiritual value of joining our community is immeasurable. Terms and conditions apply to residents of Earth only.
Absolutely! Your consciousness will be uploaded to the blockchain, ensuring you live forever as a series of immutable transactions. Side effects may include existential dread and an inability to enjoy physical food.
We accept all major cryptocurrencies, NFTs, DeFi tokens, your firstborn child, and traditional payment methods (though we judge you for using fiat currency). Payment plans available for Web3 Deity tier.
Don't let your mundane tasks remain centralized. Join the blockchain revolution today!
30-day money-back guarantee* | No long-term contracts** | Cancel anytime***
*Guarantee void if you achieve enlightenment
**Except Web3 Deity tier (eternal commitment required)
***Cancellation may result in temporary loss of blockchain privileges